Author: Sylvia Maixner

Jesus Christ, Sausage Party is an intense movie. A parody of Pixar flicks based around anthropomorphic items singing songs and going on larger than life adventures, Sausage Party trades the child-like wonderment of Finding Nemo or Toy Story for profanity, sex, drugs, and violence. I cannot overstate this fact. Other movies may push the envelope in terms of taste; Sausage Party burns down the post office, using one hand to masturbate furiously and the other to flip off everyone standing around with their mouth open at the sight of it. It is wall-to-wall dick and butt jokes, racial stereotypes (passive…

I’ll be honest; I had zero interest in watching Dredd. It was my husband who really wanted to go this thing. Having never read the comics, my only knowledge into the world of Mega-City One was from the spectacularly awful 1995 film Judge Dredd, which, despite being unintentionally hilarious, was not what I would call a “must-watch” film. Add that to a trailer that was lack-luster at best, and I just wasn’t feeling it. However, I have a hard time telling my husband no, because his face is cute, and he really wanted to see this movie and wanted me…

The hilarious duo of Key and Peele unite to bring forth the tale (that is the last wasted opportunity for a pun you will see in this review, so enjoy) of Rell (Peele), who happens upon the cutest cat in the entirety of the planet. When said kitten is kitten-napped, he wrangles in his cousin and best friend, corporate motivational speaker Clarence (Key), to bring him back from the underbelly of the darker side of society. Now, as a human, I loved Keanu. It is exactly what I want out of a comedy – kind of dumb, delightfully mad-cap, and…

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh my gaaaaawd, yes, thank you movie gods, I was so worried about this movie, and this trailer makes me feel so good. With the recent string of movies that have come out recently that are less homages to nostalgia and childhood, and more like a pile of poop sitting on a sidewalk with CG explosions in the background (Micheal Bay, you know what you’ve done), when I heard about the Goosebumps movie, I was not optimistic. However, this time around, I think my childhood may come out unscathed, and it is bringing hope back in the picture. Directed…

Ah, Eli Roth. You are the gentle giant of torture porn. The Green Inferno is the newest addition to the filmography of director Eli Roth, who brought us such classics as Cabin Fever (which made me very afraid of shaving my legs for like six months) and Hostel. Fueled by Roth’s disdain for do-gooders with no real idea of what the true situation of their pet projects are, The Green Inferno follows a group of young, naive volunteers, out to save the rainforest. After a plane crash, the survivors find themselves getting to know the…

I’m going to put this out there to start with: Mr. DiCaprio looks damned fine with a big, bushy beard. Based off of the novel by the same name by Michael Punke, The Revenant is a simple story of a man surviving. Besides Leonardo, the film will also feature Tom Hardy (who I almost did not recognize with a whole bunch of weird crap in front of his face) and is directed by newly Oscar winning Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu (Birdman). This trailer is a work of art, and listening to Leonardo DiCaprio breath for a minute straight is a wonderful…

Coming out on July 10th, The Gallows is the newest horror contribution from production house Blumhouse, who brought to us Paranormal Activity and Insidious. Written and directed by directing newbies, Travis Cluff and Chris Lofing, this story follows a group of dumb teenagers breaking into their high school for some reason. Said high school is putting on a production of a play that accidentally killed a kid, because that is an excellent idea, said no sane school ever. And it’s found footage. Yay. Also, all of the actors’ first names are also the first name of the characters they play.…

Netflix has a bunch of stuff on it. Some of it is crap, some of it is not. Allow me to direct you to five pieces of horror cinema that are firmly in the “not” category. 5. Oculus Mirrors are scary, on that we can all agree. Mirrors in a movie that actually pulls off a trippy, simultaneous multiple timeline mechanic? Horrifying. 4. The Host Korea’s take on the kaiju genre. I have a personal sense of nostalgia attached to scenes involving Korean family members yelling at each other, but even those without that particular blend of childhood memories can…

I love the Mad Max franchise. I love it so much that it was my wedding invite theme. So, when I heard that George Miller, director of the original trilogy (also of Babe and Happy Feet, because he is a man of varied passions) was working on a brand new Mad Max, complete with not super crazy Mel Gibson, I about cried with joy. I wanted so badly to love Mad Max: Fury Road. I did not. Don’t get me wrong. I really liked it and I had a ridiculous amount of fun. But, I did not leave the movie theatre filled…