Some may say that an appreciation for the previous Fantastic Four franchise is just an excuse. But when I say I thoroughly enjoyed those movies, I don’t mean merely “appreciate,” and I’m not making an excuse. I just can’t get over the Galactus storm cloud. So when 20^thCentury Fox announced their reboot of Marvel’s first family, my first hope was for the giant, purple-helmet-wearing, planet-eater. Fox refused to trade Galactus and Silver Sufer for Daredevil back, claiming they had plans for them. Now, with the franchise in peril, it looks like all hope is gone. Reports say Galactus was actually in the first drafts of the script. But Fox vetoed him, along with Herbie and the Fantasticar. Do they have some sort of vendetta against him?

Screenwriter, Max Landis went to Twitter with the first four pages he wrote four years ago. Those initial pages were enough to prove Fox ruined this potential masterpiece. In the tweet, government agents found the four holed up in a silo outside of town. When the walls burst open, a tricked out Corsair Ultra Van was revealed, blaring “In the Meantime” by Spacehog. If I saw that in the theater, I’d have to miss the next few minutes so I could change my pants.

Just the song choice alone was enough to inspire thoughts on my own FF film. Too bad I’m not in the movie business. Even if I was, it looks though the studio would have cock-blocked me, like they did with Landis and Josh Trank. But lemme’ just live in this fantasy for a moment.

Cosmic Road Trip

A Chevy Corsair Ultra Van is pretty much a retro-looking camper- the vehicle screams “Jack Kirby!” Guardians of the Galaxy proved the continuing interest of space operas from the days of Star Trek and Wars. Mix in the road trip antics from National Lampoon’s, and you’ve got yourself a masterpiece.

In 2015’s Fantastic Four, Reed Richards, Ben Grim, Johnny Storm, and Victor Von Doom teleported to an alternate dimension. They were blasted by cosmic rays, which leaked into their home dimension for Sue Storm to also become infected. This alternate dimension could have easily been the Negative Zone. But the movie decided to call it Planet Zero. In the comics, Stan Lee planned on taking Richards, the Storm siblings, and Ben Grimm to Mars. But he figured that NASA would have already found their way to the red planet by the time the book was released. So instead, he just took them out to space. But I’m not a huge fan of origin stories. I would rather see how one deals with their powers, than how they got them. Therefore, I would choose the adventure to take place well into their superhero lives. Maybe by that time, Reed and Sue would be able to bring their kids, Franklin and Valeria.

Along their way, they’d meet up with residents of the vast sea of space. In their early years, they received a visit from Uatu, a member of a race called the Watchers. Their purpose in the universe was to only watch and record important events, never to intervene. But Uatu was naughty; he constantly intervened, reminding people that he wasn’t supposed to. Upon his visit, he warned the team of the coming of Galactus and his herald. Just like The Vision, Silver Surfer was a stooge of his creator, soon admiring the heroics of the team, joining their side.

Just like Silver Surfer and Galactus, there are a handful of cosmic characters that Fox owns, preventing Marvel Studios from using them. The Avengers had to call their invading aliens “Chitauri,” the Ultimate Universe version of the Skrulls. But Joss Whedon, writer and director of both Avengers’ movies, said the shape-shifting Skrulls would be too complicated for his already intricate epic, anyway. James Gunn wanted to use time-traveler, Kang the Conqueror, for the main antagonist of Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2. Sadly, these visually-stunning characters will probably be wasted, since Fox has a cold, death-grip, and will constantly veto them from the light of day.

The Fantiscar could slip into the Negative Zone. The portal to this alternate dimension sits in Reed Richards’s lab at the Baxter Building. Just like the reboot missed its chance, the previous franchise could have used the dimension as a premise for a third or fourth movie. It certainly did a good a job of prominently featuring the lab. Why not open the door, and feature such residents as Annihilus and Blastaar?

The Soundtrack

Just like comic books, their movies should be split into three different ages: Golden, Silver, and Bronze. And wouldn’t you know, Fantastic Four had movies in all three ages. The Golden Age started with the Christopher Reeves Superman films, through to the Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher Batman films. Within those DC powerhouse days, Marvel made attempts here and there. They couldn’t get Fantastic Four released, but there was Howard the Duck, some Hulk movies from the TV show, and Punisher. The Silver Age started with Blade, albeit a very minor Marvel hero, yet paving the way for the X-Men and Spider-Man franchises.

Excited as I was to see the Silver Age movies of my youth, I was just as excited for their music. Spider-Man had “Hero” by Chad Kroeger and Josey Scott, and “Bother” by Stone Sour. Punisher had a duet between Shaun Morgan of Seether and Amy Lee of Evanescence, Rock’s king and queen of that age. The guitarist of Evanescence, Ben Moody, even had to throw his hat in the ring, to do duet with Anastacia for Fantastic Four.

The rocking Marvel soundtracks seem to be dissipating. Iron Man launched both, the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Bronze Age. Its soundtrack was done by Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine. Iron Man 2 was by AC/DC. But then Iron Man 3 went right back to Classical. The first Avengers movie had great songs like “Live to Rise,” by Soundgarden. But then in Age of Ultron, I don’t think I heard a single Rock song. Part of the appeal of Guardians of the Galaxy was its soundtrack of 70’s tunes. Unfortunately, Guardians may be the last of those tunes.

Landis’s choice of the Spacehog jam played right into my inspiration. The 70’s Pop of Guardians only alluded to the narrative of Peter Quill. A product of his Earth-bound upbringing, he played the cassettes his mother gave him. To set the mood of this cosmic road trip, spacey, Acid Rock is the way to go. Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” suggests the feeling of aimlessly floating in space. “Achilles Last Stand,” by Led Zeppelin is not only trippy, but actually mentions Thor. Muse, Thirty Seconds to Mars, and My Chemical Romance could be some modern choices. The frontmen of the latter two are no strangers to comics; Jared Leto will be our new Joker, and Gerard Way created Dark Horse Comics’ Umbrella Academy, and wrote the fifth issue of Spider-Man’s recent epic Edge of Spider-Verse. There’s even a few Pop songs sitting in the current Top 40 that would complement the film, such as “I Can’t Feel My Face,” by The Weeknd, and “Talking Body,” by Tove Lo.

The Cast

Just like the Mandarin Twist in Iron Man 3, opinions were split down the middle with the casting of Michael B. Jordan. Either they’re upset that it swayed from what we know in the comics, or they’re telling the other half to stop whining and just accept it. Stan Lee was actually part of the latter half. Unlike when he created the characters in the Sixties, he said the world is full of diversity. But even though I thoroughly enjoyed the previous franchise, I didn’t agree with his public approval of Jessica Alba as Invisible Woman, either.

Reed Richards should be David Schwimmer. You don’t see much of his face since his Friends days. Even in Madagascar, you only hear his voice. But his role as Ross proves he’d be the perfect Reed. Just like The Thing, Joey Tribbiani was baffled by Dr. Gellar’s ramblings. Schwimmer’s awkward comedy is what Dr. Richards needs.

Neal Patrick Harris’s antics from How I Met Your Mother would bring in another sitcom alum. Chris Evans was perfect as Human Torch. But he’s now the perfect Captain America. Harris may be getting up there in age, but his comedic stamina is still enough to keep up with Johnny Storm.

Call me “Glenn Quagmire,” but Elizabeth Banks is who I picture as the blonde bombshell that is Invisible Woman. Just like her potential cast-mates, Banks hails from a sitcom: Scrubs. But she also has the acting chops for serious roles, like The Hunger Games and The Uninvited.

Jaime Bell was way off for Ben Grimm. Even though Michael Chiklis was far closer to hitting the nail on the head, his moping still perturbed me. Sure, the early comics had him insecure about his looks, but The Thing I know and love is the cocky Jersey Boy, always ready for action.It’s clobberin’ time! I dare you to name me a better actor for the ever-lovin’ blue-eyed Benjamin J. Grimm than Bruce Willis.

Jack Kirby Style

Back when Marvel was called Timely, Stan was stuck to writing Millie the Model and Ziggy Pig and Silly Seal. With shaming parent groups, and soldiers back from war, nobody wanted to read about superheroes. Wanting to move on to something a little more respectable, his wife told him to go out with a bang. Behind all good men is a great wife as their muse. She told him to turn in the story he always wanted. The worst they could do was fire him. Hence, Fantastic Four.

The best advice a writer could get is, “write what you know.” Instead of the harsh life of the streets, Nerdcore artists rap about the streets of the four colors. Adam WarRock takes to comic book stores, instead of performing at clubs. In between songs, he tells the stories of his inspirations. Before “Ultimate Nullifier,” he talks about the weapon from the pages of Fantastic Four. A running joke between he and his friend, was Stan Lee running into the room with some extravagant name, leaving Jack Kirby to the rest. Is Kirby is the real mastermind behind Marvel Comics?

What makes you pick up a comic? The title or catch phrases on the cover could be appealing, but its the artwork that draws you in. Would you buy an issue of Fantastic Four if it, indeed, did not look fantastic? They say not to judge a book by its cover. But that goes out the window with comics. The same goes for movies: if the trailer doesn’t look aesthetic to the eye, I don’t want to see it. Sure, we can read a review, but its the visuals that sell the movie ticket.

Frank Miller, Alex Ross, and Skottie Young have continued to keep the magic alive. But it was fellas like Jack “The King” Kirby and Steve Ditko that gave its first breaths. I’m so fascinated by Kirby- I would love to see his art translate on-screen. His bold zig-zags that pop right at you would cruise right along with the trippy soundtrack.

Since Spidey’s been allowed to join his page-mates, many want Fantastic Four to do the same. If Amazing Spider-Man 2 flopped, will FF following suit? Though it looks like Fox hasn’t been as easy to crack, as Sony was. The studio’s confidence probably en lies with the success of X-Men. The series has thrived from the start of the Silver Age well into the Bronze Age. No doubt, the upcoming Deadpool will keep them on their pedestal. Regardless of rumors of swapping with Deadpool 2, and the announcement of X-Men shows, Legion and Hellfire, June 9^th, 2017 is still in play for Fantastic Four 2. My hope is still out there for Silver Surfer and Galactus. After all, Stephen Amell as Casey Jones, and the inclusion of Beebop and Rocksteady will probably be enough to restore my faith in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

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